I keep on running into experts in this. Literally.

[major_clanger]

Based on exhaustive observation on the streets of London and Birmingham (and very particularly in their public transport systems, especially the London Underground) I've concluded that a lot of there's an entire field of study that an awful lot of my fellow citizens have qualified in. I say this because so many of them are clearly so damn good at it that I can only imagine extensive study and training was involved.

The name of this discipline? Obstructology

Basic Obstructology. This is the static, passive core of Obstructology, and includes:

- standing in front of tube gates or by the driver on a bus rooting around for one's Oyster card.
- boarding a tube train and stopping so as to block the doors, as it's not as if anyone might be behind you.
- picking the narrowest point on a busy pavement to stop and peruse a map (especially a big one that has to be unfolded).

Diploma-level Obstructology At this level more active obstruction is introduced, such as walking in a small figure of eight in a busy shopping mall while having an animated mobile phone call.

Graduate Studies in Obstructology For those who have mastered lower levels of Obstructology, the most advanced qualifications cover such techniques as ambling slowly along without obvious pauses or meandering but still managing to occupy so much personal space as to make getting past almost impossible.

I am considering the curriculum for the corresponding field of Anti-Obstructology, although so far it mainly involves following the handly instructional diagrams for a cattle prod.

Comments

[andrewducker]

I've definitely managed the "walk up and down the aisles aimlessly in Sainsburies while on a mobile phone, because I can't carry on a conversation and remember what I'm supposed to be getting at the same time." I think I need a certificate.

[faustus]

There is clearly something about the tops and bottoms of escalators, as well as shop doorways. There's extra work to be down on wheeled suitcases.

Plus why when one steps out the way to let someone out (if one is out) or in (if one is in, but less common), this becomes an opportunity for the person behind one to go in (or out).

[faustus]

There is also a strange phenomenon of electro magnetism that joins shopping trolleys like pole to like pole, at right angles to the direction of the aisle. Oddly enough, this is exactly the right distance to have a conversation over, oblivious to anything else.

Excuse me sir, could you obstruct the other door for a moment?

[hairyears]

I take the view that the wilfully obstructive have placed themselves beneath courtesy and *whatever* moves them is both polite and proper.

There is no 'rudeness' to those who lack the manners to appreciate courtesy, and do 'disservice' to those who have no consideration for others.

That being said, I don't physically barge people or shoulder them aside... Unless they're obstructing the bottom of a busy escalator. That's dangerous, and they must be shifted aaside as fast as possible - the overriding care being to ensure that they don't end up sprawling on their backsides and creating an even bigger obstruction.

[don-fitch.livejournal.com]

Extra points for skill in deployment of shopping-cart in narrow-aisled supermarket, I trust.

[autopope.livejournal.com]

You missed one of the compulsory entry-level requirements in obstructology: consulting a map while standing at the exit-end of an escallator (with a queue of people ready to get off it behind you).

However, a cattle prod seems to be overkill for most encounters: I find a stentorian "excuse me!" (spoken in the nearest approximation I can achieve of a police sergeant or a head teacher in a hurry) works wonders.

[daveon.livejournal.com]

THIS!

[hairyears.livejournal.com]

I think the phrase you're looking for is:

"EXCUSE ME, PLEASE, COULD YOU OBSTRUCT THE OTHER DOORWAY?"

In the Barbara Wodehouse Voice-of-authority.

Or, if you have the necessary confidence:

"KINDLY GET IN SOMEONE ELSE'S WAY"

Remember to thank them politely when they do.

I take the view that the wilfully obstructive have placed themselves beneath courtesy and *whatever* moves them is both polite and proper. There is no 'rudeness' to those who lack the basic principle of manners: consideration for others.

That being said, I don't physically barge people or shoulder them aside. Unless they're obstructing the bottom of a busy escalator. That's dangerous, and they must be shifted aside as fast as possible - the overriding care being to ensure that they don't end up sprawling on their backsides and creating an even bigger obstruction.

Which is, of course, the next move in the chess game of manouvering around obstructive people: it isn't about where they are, it's what they are; and their next move will be even more obstructive: your move is to ensure that they are obstructing someone else, somewhere behind you as you continue on your unobstructed way.

[frostfox.livejournal.com]

I was considering entering Max for the Olympic Being In The Way event this summer.
And Molly too; I had to do a 24 point turn to park the car round 7lbs of obstinate black and white fur.

FF

[abigailb.livejournal.com]

All I can say is - you try working on Leicester Square day in day out. :-)

Hmm. I wonder how much trouble I would get in for printing up some Obstructology certificates and distributing them to particular offenders...

[uitlander]

I believe overseas advanced students particularly excel in this. Stopping in the wicket gate that lets you into TCD and is the main throughfare squeezepoint is the main example from the last week.

[sesquipedality.livejournal.com]

Is there any research into the related field of "filling up 1.5 of the 2 seats by sitting with legs akimbo and crotch proudly displayed"? That one also seems remarkably common on buses and trains.

[pashazade.livejournal.com]

GGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!

That is all.

[daveon.livejournal.com]

No, that is perfectly conscious and known behavior :)

I'd say, nay it is acceptable right up until people are actually at standing room early. I don't fit well in standard bus seats and need to sit at an angle to get the knees in... but I will move once all the seats are taken, but I'll make them sit in the Window.

[sesquipedality.livejournal.com]

I have exceptionally long legs and also have this problem. Being female, I somehow manage to hold my legs at an angle while keeping my knees together. The behaviour I am specifically objecting to, however, is continuing to do this when someone else (i.e. me) is sitting in the other seat.

[timscience.livejournal.com]

What about "stopping suddenly in the middle of the pavement for no apparent effing reason when I'm behind you"? Surely one of the classics.

[gummitch.livejournal.com]

Consider the Genius-level Obstructology of the couple who were at the head several people queueing for a lift. Lift arrives, the gentleman invites the the lady to enter first. The lady is so flattered by the gentleman's conduct that she offers him the chance to enter first. Gentleman insists that it is only proper that the lady goes first. The lady finally agrees, only to discover that the lift doors are closing. She backs away rather than nipping into the gap, and the lift departs, empty.

[pashazade.livejournal.com]

People standing on the left hand side of the escalator. On one occasion, a pissed up Scottish hen party who couldn't figure out how to use the ticket machine and found this hilarious and a matter of no great urgency.

At six PM.

At Euston.

Not forgetting...

[rhubarbfool.livejournal.com]

... the people who meet a friend unexpectedly while walking and then chat while perpendicular to the flow of pedestrians rather than parallel.