Laugh? I almost fell out of the cockpit!

[major_clanger]

Sorting through another of my Boxes of Junk, I found one of those photocopied bits of humour that circulate around all organizations. My line of work is (tenuously, in my case) related to aviation, and this one purports to be real US Air Force aircraft fault reports together with the groundcrew responses.

Port inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
Port inside main tyre almost replaced.

Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
Autoland not installed on this aircraft!

#2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
#2 propeller seepage normal - #1, #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage.

Something loose in cockpit.
Something tightened in cockpit.

Evidence of leak on starboard main landing gear.
Evidence removed.

Dead bugs on windshield.
Live bugs on order.

Friction locks cause throttles to stick.
That's what they're there for.

Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces 200fpm rate of descent.
Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

#3 engine missing.
#3 engine found on starboard wing after brief search.

Radar hums.
Radar reprogrammed with the words.